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Property listings

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I'm looking for web development work - my skills include the usual suspects: PHP, MySQL, Javascript, HTML, CSS, jQuery, Bootstrap, Ajax, XML and so on - but, due to mobility issues I need to find projects I can do from my home in Richmond, North Yorkshire. I've had a few small bits 'n' bobs come through but nothing major, so, to keep myself busy I built my own lightweight PHP framework. I call it ikonMVC as I own the domain ikonit.co.uk. To give it a test I used it to build an SEO friendly  Property Listings site  as a simple example of what I can do. The idea is that each property listing  ends up with a nice SEO friendly link which can be shared with friends, via social media and email. I was going to test it by 'borrowing' some listings from the big boys but their Ts & Cs scared the bejeebers out of me. If you have, or know of anyone who has, a property or two for sale, point them at the site please  -  http://property.ikonit.co.uk  - whe
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Co Op Melon & Grape

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Co Op Melon & Grape Frank, the Shih Tzu, hates this. At £1.59 for half a pound of chopped fruit weighing in at 92% water I should hate it too. But, at 43 calories, it carries a 100% smug rating, not to mention the inclusion of a little plastic spork. So it's the perfect meal replacement for those of us wanting to shed those winter pounds collected over the summer months. I've just had one for lunch. The 50% of melon pieces that weren't diced too include too much rind were tasty and 8 out of the 10 or so grapes that weren't utterly rotten and disgusting were commendably firm and sweet. I feel thinner already. Time for a cuppa and some de-smugging with digestive biscuits.
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Co Op Corn Flakes

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Co Op Corn flakes Because I couldn't tell the difference between these cheapo Co Op own brand Corn Flakes and a more expensive Cock Covered version I was forced to conduct an experiment under the most rigorous of scientific conditions. Involving two identical white bowls - one containing the Cheapo Flakes and one containing the Cock Flakes - at a room temperature of 20° C with a blind fold Shih Tzu called Frank, the experiment confirmed my long held suspicions: Shih Tzus have a tendency to walk into or step on things they can't see. As it turned out, Frank doesn't like corn flakes, but I still can't tell the difference: they crunch the same and get stuck between your teeth in exactly the same way as more expensive brands. Have at them.
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Lee Oskar Major Diatonic (C) Harmonica by Tombo

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Harmonica by Tombo  The (C) doesn't stand for Copyright in this instance, it's the key. Harmonicas come tuned to different keys so you need a boatload of them if you want to play with a band whose repertoire includes more than Lady Gaga's Poker Face. This one seems okay. And by 'okay' I mean it insists on making a God-Awful noise each time I blow (or suck) through the holes. But the sound is consistent and in tune with music from iTunes. Which is more than can be said for the £2.99 Garlic Crouton Major Diarrhetic (G) I bought from a local charity shop. It's early days for me, I'm still at that neighbours-giving-me-meaningful-stares-on-the-communal-stairs stage. Watch out for Lee n Me performing outside a Greggs near you.
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Co Op Combozola Cheese

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Co Op Cambozola Cheese It's German and described as "A full fat, soft mould ripened blue veined cheese". One of my favourites. Great on a bed of anything tasteless as its own taste is somewhat subtle. I tend to slice it clumsily and plonk atop a cream cracker or four at around eight in the evening. Goes will with a fresh brew of PG Tips or a pallet cleansing glass of Robinson's "Real fruit in every drop" double strength Orange squash (No added sugar). I recommend this one - and also know the subtle difference between pallet, palette and palate.
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Co Op Full Fat Soft Cheese

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Co Op Full Fat Soft Cheese Perfect spread on cream crackers and accompanied by at least four pints of John Smith's Extra Smooth Ale. Without the ale, or a drug substitute of your own choosing, this edible grout has no discernible taste whatsoever. Be vigilant when tearing off the inner foil as: a) you may lose a fingernail trying to raise the foil tab, b) the foil WILL tear into a long thin strip along one edge leading to a repeat of a) and c) hold at arm's to avoid splash-back from the 'cheesy-milk' you'll find lurking inside.
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